My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
