my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
