I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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