I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
