I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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