I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
