We named our party play list daddy issues
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
