I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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