Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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