sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
