I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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