I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
