Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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