They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
