He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
