Can Purell be used as lube?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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