The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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