listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
