i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
