no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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