There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
