fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
