the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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