I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
