as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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