True but thats because hes a fetus.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
