just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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