this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
