guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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