Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
