Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
