oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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