saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
