Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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