I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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