East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
