as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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