Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
