Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
