I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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