and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
