i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
