i permit you to call me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
