Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
