I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
