Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
