'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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