i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
