I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
