Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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