Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
