Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
