I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
